Pre-quarantine Loneliness

Dear YOU,

I've always been one to consider myself a 'loner'. Though I had friends, I always felt different—maybe even excluded sometimes. But I never knew what it was like to truly feel lonely until last year.

From the year 2017, I have been in a dry season—a secluded season. Every door I tried walking through, in terms of jobs, would either slam shut or remain locked against my plea to pass. The money I was holding on to began to dwindle, forcing me to let go of my only place of refuge and belonging at the time; that is, the gym. So I was stuck at home (quarantined if you will) with just my art. It wasn't long until I began to feel as though my life had no meaning. I tried starting a business but it never took off, there was loss in my family, I became depressed and I received new medical diagnoses but even then I never felt completely alone. Besides two of my sisters whom I live with, there were friends I could talk to. One friend in particular became a default shoulder for me to cry on over the years. But as I began to draw nearer to God, there was a shift in my friendships, one that I could physically feel—like unwanted hands pulling against our embrace. Of course this was only on my end—as it is with being renewed and changed in Christ. But it was during this unforeseen modification when loneliness became my only companion. Loneliness led me to seek connection through apps I downloaded, where I'd talk to strangers with the goal of building platonic relationships. I desperately sought deep connections with people who'd understand me and help me grow as a Christian woman. It led me to apply for a position in a company I'd never heard of nor seen before, by a simple Instagram ad. It even led me to join a writing community and begin poetry writing. Things could've gone differently (as they unfortunately do for some) but the hand of God was behind my actions. He was my grip, as I reached for a hand to hold. 《ISAIAH 41:10》 Through one of those apps I downloaded, I started a unique long distance friendship. I'm now an Ambassador for one of the best shoe companies out there, with the most fun, diverse, talented and amazing people; I'm building healthy relationships with lovely, strong willed women of God and because of writing prompts through my writing community, I'm now a poetry Author (the image above was taken from page 23 of my book, Ready Or Not). All of this to say, there is purpose behind your loneliness—either God wants you fully devoted to Him, so that he can heal you and instill something in you that can be used or He's setting you apart to set you up for something much greater. Now is the time to seek Him and ask Him to show you the purpose behind your current loneliness. You are never truly alone because God promised never to leave us, especially since he has plans for us to fulfill through His strength, in His name. Hold on, the light of the world is at the beginning and the end of the tunnel.《GENESIS 28:15》

—xoxo

MCW

#mpowered