How To Stop Your Friendships From Ending (codependents)

The first time I became aware of my codependency was during some emotional trouble I was having with my best friend.

He was making promises to me he never kept and each time I hung onto them, even when I began to feel hurt and neglected by him. I struggled and fought between the way I was feeling and our relationship. I felt like if I voiced the problem I would've hurt him or it would've ruined the dynamic we had.

You see, he was there for me during an extremely difficult season where I was battling with more than one situation at the same time, that affected me negatively. We became undoubtedly close and I subconsciously began depending on him to be my emotional anchor.

During the debacle I was facing with him (which he wasn't even aware he was doing), I couldn't come to the decision of speaking to him on my own, so I sought counsel from my older sister, as well as a new friend.

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Now, if you've been paying attention, you probably noticed the red flags in this story—the red flags that scream CODEPENDENCY. Let me highlight them for you.

• Hanging on to false promises even when they hurt you.

• Battling with putting your own emotions first vs someone else's.

• Fear of voicing your opinions and feelings + fear of losing relationships.

• Premature emotional attachment

• Unspoken expectations

• Inability to make decisions

Which are all aspects of:

• Self-neglect

• Low self-esteem

• Lack of self worth + love

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To conclude my story, I did speak to my best friend about the situation and how I was feeling and he understood where I was coming from and genuinely apologized.

Has our friendship been better since?—in a way, yes. Has he stopped making false promises?—not entirely. Is he perfect?—absolutely not!

But I have since learned that my codependency was rooted in childhood emotional neglect, which is a result of parental narcissistic abuse and have been taking steps to ensure I receive the emotional healing that I need.

I learned my story, understood that nothing that happened to me was my fault but that healing was MY job.

Once we begin to heal our inner wounds, we find ourselves more wholly and authentically and are able to communicate more profoundly in our relationships, which also requires transparency and honesty from each party involved.

You can save your friendships by healing your wounds.

—xo,

MCW

#mpowered

#codependentnomore #codependencyrecovery #communication #friendship #childhoodtrauma #narcissiticabuse